Reality
by Soranagi
Summary: Having trouble sleeping, Izuru is comforted by his Captain. Though this comfort only reminds him of a harsh reality.


Reality - A Gin x Izuru FanFic (Bleach)

He never expected it that night when the Captain sneaked in to his room. It was the best night to; Izuru was having so much trouble sleeping. The night seemed so much colder than it usually could get.

"Izuru ..." a voice would say to him in a whisper, stirring him from his slumber.

"Izuru ... Wake up, Izuru."

"Captain ... Ichimaru?" Izuru muttered as he stared up in shock at the man leaned over him. Ichimaru had somehow kneeled on the side of his beds and his hands either side of his blonde Sub-Captain without waking him. Yet the whisper could wake him? His Captains voice always could get his attention. The blondes cheeks was flushed so much from how ... how unexpected this was, to open his eyes to his Captain leaned over him. He loved his Captain, so it would be a lie if he said he wasn't happy with it.

Gin would lean down and nuzzle at his blonde heart-throb, kissing his lips sweetly, and then his cheek and working his way down to tenderly kiss the sensitive skin on his neck.

"T-taicho..." The blonde muttered in surprise from the attention at his neck, squirming just slightly from the sensation.

Gin paused to put a finger to the blonde's lips, lifting his head to smile at him reassuringly.

"Sssh ... It's alright, Izuru. Am not gonna hurt ya." And this, the blonde believed. He wouldn't hurt him, not his Captain, nor would he force him in to anything. He never did ... Anything Izuru did for his Captain was willingly. Never would Gin tell him he had no choice in the matter. Of course, that relates to things outside of his Sub-Captain role, things part of his job was expected of him anyway. Though he never did have a choice with that mountain of paperwork his Captain would never do. Ugh, that was always such a headache.

A few more nuzzles and reassuring whispers later, the blonde sighed happily when the kisses continued to be planted on his neck. The eyelids closed over the blue eyes, purring as the feelings relaxed him and purred deeper yet when the kisses would be firmer, gasping softly when he'd feel his Captains tongue brush over his skin.

That's when I woke up.

My Captain wasn't leaned over me ... Wasn't smiling that foxy smile down at me. Wasn't nuzzling me sweetly and whispering lovingly. Nor was he kissing me tenderly. Instead I am cruelly met with the reality that is my dark, empty room that I'd see every night when I wake up. Every night since he left. Even knowing this fact, that it was just another dream of something I never had and never will, I still sit up in my bed and look around the room with false hope that he really was there.

Even more cruel, was the irony of what the Third-Division stood for; despair. Despair brought on by war. This war right now is what pulled his Captain away from him and filled his heart with despair. He knew the despair of death already that war brought on, but now he knows the despair of aching hearts when the loved ones waiting at home get the news that their loves won't be coming home. At least he was lucky; his love was still alive, but would Aizen kill him when he had no use for him anymore, like he had done with others already? No, no. His Captain was too strong for that. This thought was denial as well as belief in his Captain.

"Why ..?" Izuru sobbed softly to himself, rubbing a hand over his blonde hair in distress before resting both over his face to muffle his sobs so no one who may happen to pass by would hear. There were so many opportunities where he could have told his Captain how he felt, but the blonde feared rejection so much. Being shunned by his Captain was the only thing the strong blonde feared. The only thing that would make his heart ache at the very thought of it. Now he'd gladly trade the heartache he feels at this moment for that ache from being rejected. At the very least, even if he was shunned, he still would have seen him walking around with the silly fox-grin and fox-eyes on his face.

You're such a fool, the blonde often told himself. Not only was he suffering from not having Captain around at all, but also the torture of wondering if his feelings ever would have been returned.

"I wonder if you ever think about me," The blonde said aloud thoughtfully as he lay back down in his bed and stared at the ceiling through despair filled eyes. Before the despair would be joined with tears, he turned on his side to face the wall and curl up, clutching the covers tightly against his chest.

"Why did you leave me ..?" He whispered and sobbed himself to sleep.


End file.
